I have finished my first sabbatical
cycle. As of this morning I am back on duty.
What can I say about the
last two weeks?
There are the statistics,
when it comes to dissertation writing, I currently have chapters 1-2 complete.
Although I came into the dissertation writing stage which chapter 2 complete,
so I am unsure if that counts. I am so close to finishing chapter 3 I can taste
it. My current word total is 23, 057, which is about half of what I expect will
be my total. I have some very rough thoughts on the shape of chapter 4.
As I have written I have
found this to be the most non-linear on which I have ever worked. When I was
working on chapter 1, I kept taking thoughts and ideas and moving them into chapter
3 and as I have been working on chapter 3, I have taken thoughts and see that
they need to be put in chapter 4. There are also times when as I am writing I
realize that I need a different section in some place but am in the middle of
thoughts that need to come after it, so I leave a “place marker” so I can circle
back, and finish writing that section later. I cannot even begin to count the number
of times, I have move sections or paragraphs around within a chapter. The whole
process is mind bogglingly circular, which is unusual for me. Usually when I
write, I begin at the beginning and write through to the end. This is generally
how sermon writing works. Occasionally, I will leave a place marker for the
introduction, knowing I will have a better introduction, when I finally come to
the end and know exactly where the whole is going, but that is the extent of any
circular, non-linear work I have done previously.
I find the process fascinating,
when I am able to step back and see in my head all the twists and moves the
words, paragraphs and sections have made, and the process feels freeing. I told
someone this past weekend something to the effect of, “I have 23,000 some odd
words all next to one another, but currently they may not be in the right
order.” Which elicited the laugh I had hoped for, but I am unsure if she
realized how serious I was. It is an interesting thing to me, that I might have
all the right words written but that I may not have them all in the right
order. I am also curious how my general writing will improve from participating
in this particular way of writing.
Other than the actual
writing, I think the sabbatical went well. I found ways to rest, ways to draw
close to God and participated in a specific practice of spiritual formation. I did
what I set out to accomplish. If I focused on the “accomplishment” then the
question to follow is whether I am getting the “results” I wanted or needed.
But I think this is the
wrong way of looking at things. My sabbatical cycles are not about
accomplishments and results. I think since the root of sabbatical is sabbath,
it can’t be about what I do, what I finish, what I get done. I know there are
things that must be done, that must be completed, accomplished and there are
results that will come of that, but a sabbatical, even a writing sabbatical can’t
be about that. I wonder if it is “about” anything.
I entitled this blog, “Resting
and Writing.” Almost on a whim, but I did debate, briefly, on whether “writing”
or “resting” can first and I decided “resting” came first.” The writing comes
out of the resting, I suspect that only in resting, in pausing in finding Sabbath,
will I be able to write well. So, this week, I prayed, I made tea, I took
walks, I listened to God, and I sat in my office, and I wrote. Only in resting,
in relying on God, listening to God’s voice, and allowing my research to be
distilled through the deep waters of reliance on God, will I ever even know if
all the words are finally in the right order.
And so, what can I say about
this first Sabbatical cycle? I can say that I rested, and I wrote.
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