First Draft Submission Week: So Many Words, So Little Time

After my last post I worked hard to finish the final two chapters. Which I did. When I submitted the rough drafts of those two chapters, they were quite rough and the whole dissertation was nearly 3,000 words short of the minimum. I got extensive notes back on the first two chapters and less on the final ones. This was not because they were better but because, my advisor said I needed to heed the notes he had made on previous chapters. Generally, I needed to edit better, cite better, and clean up my flow to make the whole thing work together better.

Recently, I have been toting the books I used the most around with me so I can edit on the fly when I need to. I have been doing a little bit here and little bit there whenever I can. I have spent so much of my spare time this past month, going over each chapter slowly fixing grammar, and spelling mistakes. I have also reorganized some of the chapters as well as working diligently to recognize when I pulled thoughts from my sources without citing where those thoughts. At this point I have read so much and have thought about this so much that I have my sources voices in my head, and I use them without knowing I am. This has required me to think about what I have written and then go looking for the source. This then might require me to reread that section of the source material and then properly citing it.

Last week I stumbled upon something new, which has been immensely helpful as I am moving through the tedious work of editing. I discovered that Microsoft will read me my paper while I read it. (I say “stumbled” because I was working on something for church and accidentally hit some unknow “sticky” keys which caused it to suddenly start reading the document I was working on to me.) I know this sounds awful, but it is great. It slows me down while I read, as well as allowing me to hear it. This does several things. First, I can hear those silly typos “it” instead of “is” or “form” instead of “from” the ones that are easy for your eye to gloss over as you read. Generally, I can also hear grammar. It also helps me hear how the sentences and paragraphs flow together, making it easier to spot where my logic is failing or where I am not making my point well. I stop it quite a lot to fix things and to make changes, but it has been immensely helpful in editing. I might try it with my sermons in the future.

Currently I have made at least one pass on each of my chapters. This week I am looking at two new sources to help solidify one of my conclusions, as well as going back and listening to the earlier chapters, since I did not discover this until the final two. I am still about 500 words short of the minimum but believe that I will find those words in the next few days. So this week is for editing and finalizing some rough spots. Then on Wednesday, I will bring all the chapters together with my working Bibliography, put in a title page on it all and send it off.

On Thursday, I am going on a silent retreat to rest, and recoup. And to listen to my own words on participating in fully embodied spiritual formation practices. I will share more about that next week.  

Distracted Writing

 

This is a picture I have on my desk in my office. I painted while on a prayer retreat several years ago. This is a picture of me and God, a picture of a hug, from God. I need that hug today. I am discouraged and struggle to write paragraph, every thought, every sentence, every phrase. Every word is a struggle! It all is coming slowly. It is a slog and I just want them to all be done! (Funny thing, this post is a distraction from my dissertation words and these words are coming quickly)

Last week was difficult, but last week was great! Writing did not go as planned at first and getting every 100 words out was difficult and I struggled to get chapter 4 finished by Friday, which was my goal. There were days when I got hardly anything written and then suddenly they all came out. They flowed and it all seemed to work. And by Friday afternoon. So, when I closed up “shop” on Friday, I was finished with chapter 4, which means that I was one chapter and somewhere in the neighborhood of 7,000 words away from begin finished.

The weekend was a great respite. My sister brought my mother up for a visit. She is staying through next week for my youngest’s birthday. Sunday was strange. It was the first Sunday of my Sabbatical weeks for which I was not away. So I was at Church, but I was not doing anything. It was strange I did not really know what my role was when I was; Pastor Kaza, not in charge, Pastor Kaza not organizing things, Pastor Kaza not leading or speaking up front. I was Pastor Kaza in a pew, participating like a parishioner, but still Pastor Kaza. We had a visitor, so I introduced myself as “Pastor Kaza,” although I did not lead the service in anyway. I know what to do with myself when I am at another congregation, and am not “Pastor,” but I did not know who I was, or what my role was when I was not there to “do.” I guess it is a practice in just being. In seeing our worship and our congregation from a new perspective. This next week I am going to be more intentional and pay attention, see what I can see, learn what I can learn, about us, and about me.

This brings me to this week. It has been a tough writing week. My goal by the end of today was 4,000 words. At the moment I am writing this I have about 1,300. Nowhere close to my goal. I feel like for every 50 words I write I delete 25 and rewrite 25 more. I know part of my distraction is that I have received my first chapter back with the first set of edits and I want to go fix it. As I have written each chapter, I become more and more aware of things I need to fix or change in the previous chapters. So I know my advisor will have seen all that I am already aware of that needs to be remade, rewritten, added and subtracted, as well as having seen things that I have not. So I am writing and distracted and I know I will not finish this final chapter this week as planned. I will work on it in the weeks to come, but I can’t let that go too far, the first draft is due Nov 1. Less than a month and I need to turn in a full, complete first draft. I need these words to come, but they are not, so I keep plugging and hopefully I will get them all finished, sooner than later would be nice.

So I am leaning into this hug today, I need it.